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Back On Track

Hi everyone…well I’ve partly been avoiding blogging fully for the last few months as I had a flare-up of MS. This is primarily due to overdoing activities without needed adjustment and rest. A lot of cognition was needed and thus depleted. My trip to Wales left me exhausted however I was engulfed in the new life with an assistance dog and all that this involves.

I’m pleased to report that after my symptoms increasing, I reconnected with yoga, meditation and begun some mindfulness exercises. Along with increases my intake of valuable Wahls Protocol foods I was then able to work better with my cognition, meanwhile my new assistance dog was working better with me. So all in all this led to good things and the ability to get my physical fitness heading towards a healthier path.

So yes, I am getting back on track. A valuable lesson has been learnt that although I can minimise the MS within me, it is still there backstage. My focuses now are to recover and rebuild from the previous few months of challenging work. I’m so delighted that I’ve turned my health back around…and immensely relieved. I shall soon be visiting my neurologist, after avoiding the medics for a couple years.

The recent mindfulness introduction and awareness had a really profound and insightful effect on my outlook of who I am as a person with a disability. I read a sentence that woke me up…real me vs ideal me. Quite simple, yet so revealing. I realised that in my mind my disability was stopping me from being the ideal me. However to my amazement I learnt that my vision of the ideal me was so far fetched and imaginary…very likely to be unachievable even if I was able bodied. The power of the mind! The other exercise that hit me with immense relief and happiness was to discover all the things I can do now as a disabled person that I was unable to do before. The little things like wear the clothes I want, listen to music or whatever I chose, be home to receive phone calls or deliveries, spend time with my animals, explore hobbies…the list went on. My whole inner self belief turned such a corner that I felt I was getting to know and show myself. I felt alive and lit up like a sunset or log fire…roaring with energy and new self passion.

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Spinning It Around – Regain Chances

I’ve been having some good times recently whereby I’ve had some different thoughts. Better thoughts. More positive thoughts.

Prompted by a question asked on Twitter about peoples instinctive thoughts of what they feel causes MS…I had some thoughts.

So having answered with my thoughts that it’s a nutritional deficiency plus a weakened immune system, thus giving stresses to the body and causing a dis-ease. Whilst waking up in bed this morning I thought about this some more. I then had a feeling of awakened insight into how my body got caught up in this. To spare you of the details it’s suffice to say that after some typical teenage situations and times, I had some traumatic environmental stresses and also some anesthetics during operations causing body stresses. Both sets of operations were challenging and slow to repair, plus some more traumatic stress and grieving. To be honest as a person in their late teens I turned to drinking alcohol to deal with all this strain on my body. So whilst I required nutrients I was in fact depleting myself of any that I had. I decided to increase my self-pressure to complete my studies despite the health trap I was in. This all happened within three years – which is rather intense when I look at it now! It’s just one of those circumstantial things.

Everyone with MS, I believe, will have a story of when their body found the battle increasing beyond the ‘elastic limit’. So…what I have realised today, from deep within, is that I really need to be gentle on myself. By realising that my circumstantial stresses weakened my body, plus my sensory processing disorder as a child contributing, I need and want to really feel the realisation that by relaxing and accepting weird things as just that etc – I have a chance to vastly improve my lifestyle and my attitudes. This has been demonstrated to me through having such health challenges. Sort of a catch 22…which now I can spin on it’s axis and see how much I can improve.

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Is it too late? That’s a matter of belief. Sometimes I think yes and yet my foundation belief is that my body as yelling out to me to stop and pay attention – so maybe now is a good time and perhaps rebuild what I can.

So, what about all the other people with MS? Does this mean that people are getting far too caught up in challenges which cause stresses on our bodies…our brains then our bodies? Are we missing something crucial like noticing our body needs? I reckon perhaps so. If we tune into our human workings more then perhaps we will see what needs attention and how. Analogy time…this will be short…”you’ve a car that has some issues. These issues get ignored. Things get worse and other things start going wrong. The wiring gets worn out and needs repairing. You ignore this too. So eventually the car is far from reliable. In fact the car becomes a problem. You take it to the mechanics…they say what is wrong. You think great.” Here’s where the analogy differs, as with a car you have a choice to fix it or scrap it and replace it. Of course you only have one human body and mind…so the moral of the story is to keep an eye on yourself, listen to yourself and you will reap the benefits.

Hindsight vs youth – When I found out about having glandular fever (after my second lot of ops) I realised that I’ll have to avoid alcohol. This was challenging however I did my best…aged 19 and living away from the family home. My diet was lacking imagination – an age thing. It’s strange that MS mainly affects people when they are in their young years. I wonder if this is when we have yet to learn to be responsible to our bodies.

So my conclusion is that I believe that I have a choice to act now. A bit like climate change in fact! If I choose to carry on how I’ve tended to live…then the future now, from this awareness, appears a little scary. However if I really make a conscious effort and focus to go easy on myself and let my body get what it needs to try to heal…then I have chances. And chances, my friend, are worth a lot to me.

A chance is an opportunity
A chance is a light on
A chance is a possibility
A chance is worth taking
A chance…once again

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