I just need to empty my head. Today I really realised that my bathroom stuff is challenging…more than I’ve experienced. It is like a looming cloud…sometimes the sun breaks it up and other times it feels like a storm may be brewing in the future. As much as I try to prepare for the next level…along comes another challenge/change in weather pattern.
At the moment it feels like I’m on a journey and at some point I know, I think that I know and I know that I think, a corner will be required to navigate. This corner is in the bathroom. The place where I deal with my hygiene and habits. The place where I’ve gone from assisted child to adult…and now regressing to needing help again. Whoa! Gulp! I’m a shy person when it comes to that arena. So when I’m going to have to turn that corner and need professional help with my care it is going to be a leap of unknown…something or other. Of course I need help…I already need it. If I get a mini break then I’ll call this a mock rehearsal to accepting the likely. Sigh. This will probably just be a blip. It’s far from deserving the word ‘just’ as this blip has been acute. And is far from cute.
So anyways…this bubble is going to get burst at some point and reality is sure to kick in. I want to stamp my feet like a toddler and refuse help. Asides from the lack of stamping ability and far from being a toddler…how long will it help to refuse assistance? Of course it will help to have help…it may be a lifeline even. However…do I really have to have some stranger in the bathroom with me?! Maybe I can have a quiet word with my MS and request to get off of the bus a stop earlier. Maybe I can manage it alone and stay safe. Maybe I can research into tips and equipment for solo bathroom duties. I hope so. God…I really hope so. On that note I feel ready to sleep.
Thank you for letting me empty my head.
Thank you for reading my thoughts, without needing super powers.
Thank you for even caring.