Yesterday I walked through a supermarket. It was amazing on so many levels. I had a stick and placed it in the trolley and leant on the trolley. As I was going down the aisles I had to process movement of myself and others whilst looking for food items, meanwhile adjust to noises and food at a different height to normal, for me. After many many years it was a really new experience that people just wandered passed me – I blended in. Gone were the wide berths; gone were the apologies; gone were the looks. My aim was accomplished however my processing ability will take some time to adjusting to steering and avoiding people whilst relying on my legs. The venture sure was an amazing feeling. The extra add-on bonus of standing is that I feel tall. I am in reality far from it, however it’s all relative. The food was different at standing level too…less brightly coloured items for attracting children.
Today I went to view a mobility scooter…after much research. I test drove it. I was the first to use it even though the owners had purchased it a year ago for an elderly relative. Anyways, as agreed we went away to discuss it and how I felt. I felt weird – although the freedom it will give me to steer to a shop and walk inside – it felt like a reliance on a motor (I use to rely on my powerchair); a dependence and the concept of sitting there steering again was unsettling for me. These days I have enough energy to power myself in the manual wheelchair for quite some distance; I have enough energy to do my training programme every weekday; I have enough energy to walk about where there is a small amount of processing required. So I realised that I wish to skip the step of a powered scooter. I’m off to research for an alternative method to get around town etc. It may be to lock up the wheelchair in town (probably too much of a wierd concept for others); try a handcycle; try a small-wheeled bicycle or a foldup one for the car; or a go-cart. I wonder if there is such a device as a manual mobility scooter aka adult size kids pedal car!
Recently I moved up a level with confidence and cognition. I was spending time with friends travelling on buses and trains; in cities and in their two storey house. I was thinking for myself; speaking up for myself; observing busy environments and becoming a part of them. I then embarked on some solo town and city trips. Learning to communicate with strangers; learning to find my way; learning to be independent.
Happy times…finding my self.
Recently I looked through the Do It Volunteering Website to see what voluntary work is available either virtually or in a local working environment. Over time my confidence and trust in my new found health will improve. However for now I feel comfier aiming for some virtual/home volunteering. On top of this, next month I am returning to the voluntary centre where I use to volunteer many years ago. I’m happy going there as they know my whole story, my ability and I’m part of the team…so I can be flexible, dependent on how I feel.
Transitioning…in whichever way…takes time, acceptance and most of all patience. Also requiring self allowance and flexibility.
A counsellor I saw when I was misinformed about my diagnosis use to say to me: Choice Is Control. This has helped me through many challenges. I chose to try The Wahls Protocol as a tool to try to stand up, to be out of bed, to ease my digestion and to think with a bit of clarity. I got a whole lot more…